ORANGE SNOW

If there's one thing that will take the D.C. area's collective mind off an Orange Alert, it's a really big snowstorm. And that's what we got this long, and soon to be longer, weekend--something like two feet worth.

And the best thing? Thanks to the Orange Alert, everyone had already stocked up on essentials well before the snowstorm, making it easy for us to grab the requsite supplies at the 11th hour. Of course, I'm not exactly sure what you're supposed to do with duct tape in the snow. Make a really secure snowman?

Sad to say, my wife Sally actually did succumb to the Orange Crush and bought some bottled water. Of course, since this was a whole week after the nation went Code Orange, the only bottled water left at the store was Evian, the stuff the primates capitulards et toujours en quete du fromage swig like it's... well, water. I tell you, what's a Right-Thinking American to do?

Luckily, it's no dilemma at all. If you've seen our safe room, no amount of duct tape -- or mineral water -- would convince anyone of sound mind to spend a day or 12 in there.