I know spam is old hat, even though The New York Times just saw fit to give it notice. Years ago, when the inter web was still shiny and new, I used to keep an archive of all the ludicrous e-mail I got. Maybe the folks at the Newspaper of Record(tm) just happened to stumble across it last week.
But I digress. It takes a lot for me to pay attention to junk mail now -- the last one that caught my eye was the gramatically (and hopefully anatomically) incorrect one with the subject "I have f---ed by elephant!" Then, in the same day, I got these two beauties:
RV - Warning!
Don't Touch that Dirty Hose
The Cleaner Way of Dealing with a Dirty Job! Make Emptying Your RV Holding Tanks Easy!
• The toughest hose available
• Available in 12' and 20' lengths
One touch electric waste evacuation is finally here!
No more reaching into the dark regions under your RV to drain tanks. Installs minutes – keep your hands clean from now on!
Fine. A little out of my demo, but who doesn't like keeping their hands clean? But that didn't prepare me for this:
Hello,
I am offering $50,000 2003 US dollars for the below equipment:
1. The mind warper generation 4 Dimensional Warp Generator # 52 4350a series wrist watch with z60 or better memory adapter. Or if in stock the AMD Dimensional Warp Generator module containing the GRC79 induction motor, two I80200 warp stabilizers, 256GB of SRAM, and two Analog Devices isolinear modules, This unit also has a menu driven GUI accessible on the front panel XID display. Or perhaps you have some reliable all in 1 units available?
2. The special 23200 or Acme 5X24 series time transducing capacitor with built in temporal displacement.
I need this with complete jumper/auxiliary system
3. An age stopping finger ring if available.
VERY IMPORTANT: All equipment must be original in sealed closed casing of it's time. No old imitation electronic parts or materials are accepted. Please send photos of the above items so I can verify you have them available.
I will offer you $50,000 2003 US funds total for everything with the ring if you can teleport to me in the Boston area within the next 48 earth hours to conduct business in person.
Business in person is greatly preferred! If business cannot be conducted in person, I will send you a deposit only after proof you have them available, and then the remaining funds upon delivery of the time pieces.
Too bad I only have the 4340 series Dimensional Warp Generator. Also, I'm not a big fan of teleporting to Boston. You still have to find a cab back to the airport.
PS. New Get Your War On panels. Worth a look if you've never seen them before.