SOMEONE NOTIFY OPRAH IMMEDIATELY

The scary joke novel I'm writing with two friends has been updated once more, thanks to Jeremy. Taking an already weird literary experiment to new heights, his new entry includes Saladin, Jimi Hendrix, Einstein and a plot line from the cinematic masterpiece Back to the Future II. (As always, the most recent chapter is at the top of the page, though it's no more coherent when it's read chronologically from the bottom up).

Now it's my turn to update the sucker, hopefully without any flying Deloreans or breakdancing robots. Okay, well, maybe just one breakdancing robot. Or two.

If all this makes your brain hurt -- and God knows that's what it does to mine -- you could just read this instead, for a far more coherent and reassuring worldview.