COMMANDER-IN-CASH

With the first anniversary of Sept. 11 right around the corner, it's time to reflect, to remember -- and to buy a bunch of commemorative crap.

Usually home to plexiglass Nascar memorabilia and unweildy Celtic swords, Sunday's Parade magazine featured a stunning two-fer of memorabilia on two successive pages. Just in case you didn't find the resin-based commemorative plate of the WTC framed by an array of bursting fireworks (maybe not the best use of visual imagery) to your liking, you could flip the page and see the sad-eyed, officially licensed Hummel figurine proudly hoisting an American flag (perhaps he immigrated in the '50s to work on our missile program).

Then there's this:

"Every American should have one," reads the breathless copy on the Colonial Mint Web site (official motto: "Money not valid in 51 states").

Note that it's a "Revenge Promisory Note." Note, too, that the denomination would have bought you about five shares of Enron stock back in the heady days of.... well, last year. And above all, note that W. isn't our President, nor our Commander in Chief, but just "Commander Bush."

Let the healing begin.