A SORT OF HOMECOMING

Well, again it's been a while since I've written here, and once again I'm going to claim travel as an excuse. This time it was for pleasure, a great two-week jaunt to Ireland and France, vignettes from which I'll describe in more detail later.

First, I want to relate the wonderful homecoming we received upon our triumphant return (not the least of which was the in-depth, 10 o'clock news story about -- and this shocked and amazed us after being off the media grid for a fortnight -- the dangers of microwave ovens. Apparently they can get things, like water, "very, very hot," in the words of the reporter. That's the kind of pressure cooker, tell-it-like-it-is journalism you don't get in those wimpy European countries).

But as always, I digress. Returning to an empty house, we naturally had to make a trip to the Bizarro ----way down the street. Sally lost the paper-rock-scissors game, so she was treated to the following odd vignette while standing in line at the checkout late on Saturday night (as a rule, the only time when the clientele manages to outweird the store itself).

"Ow! Ouch!" the guy standing in line behind her suddenly said, flailing wildly for no apparent reason.

"Yikes," Sally replied. "Are you going to make it?"

"AAAH! SPASM!" came the reply.

Sniff... God bless America.