THE BALCONY IS NOW CLOSED

I know complaining about endless movie trailers and previews is about as perspicacious as, say, whining about those unopenable bags of peanuts on airplanes. So I won't. However, I can say with some authority that after carefully analyzing the more than 25 minutes of previews during my official 2004 outing to the movies, there are no good movies coming out. Ever.

Fortunately, there's always the comforting glow of the television, where I just learned that somehow this brilliant study of the human condition was renewed for yet another season. And for good reason, too, when you read this teaser for next week's episode:

Tuesday, April 27, 9/8c
"The Toilet"
Cheryl promises to take Jim's opinions seriously when she decides to remodel the bathroom, until Jim insists it include a hideous high-tech stainless steel toilet -- that talks.

Good thing there's always books. Or the Internet.

My brain hurts.

I WISH I HAD COME UP WITH THIS 12 YEARS AGO...

What, with it having become ever more selective over the years, I doubt I could get into my alma mater if I had to apply today. That's why a current student, who probably has 150 or so SAT points on me, was able to articulate the school's unique atmosphere in a way I couldn't have at his age:

"Though half of the students are probably depressed, there exists an undeniable spirit of solidarity among them."

In both good ways and bad, that one sentence pretty much sums up my four years of college.

I ALMOST FEEL SORRY FOR W....



When you lose a great thinker like Bil Keane, you've lost the heartland.

The glasses make the tyke on the left a dead ringer for Kim Jong Il, or maybe Hans Blix. But who's the little fella supposed to be? Tony Blair?