Thanks to the Internet web screen machine thingy, I've finally managed to find the book The Washington Post called "the worst novel in the world" (at least until my own masterpiece of contemporary fiction comes out). The sad thing? I actually read quite a bit of it.
The Great American Parade is apparently a satirical novel of ideas that, so far as I can tell, involves lengthy discussions of progressive income taxation, complete with every novelist's favorite plot device, the numerical chart.
Of course, any novelist worth his or her salt knows not to rely on such flashy, Harlequin romance-like gimmicks as -- and this isn't a joke -- a fictional conversation with Barbara Streisand in which the protagonists complement her on an article she wrote on social issues. No, you also have to be able to write credible dialogue. Like this:
"What can be done?" Rumsfeld anxiously asked Cheney, as they both saw the color rising in Bush's face.
"Not a damned thing! Not a damned thing!" Cheney replied, teeth clenched, face reddened in outrage. "This whole damned affair has gotten out of hand-but what can we do? It's all on camera. It's in every living room in the country. Right now! And, God damn it, it's being watched everywhere else in the world!
"And we're here to celebrate America's achievements-and its most notable achievers! What a mockery these damned college students are making of our parade!" he continued, seething with anger.
"And of us-of all of us!" lamented Colin Powell at his side.
And they would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for those meddling kids!
So maybe the folks at The Washington Post have a point. Of course, the same august publication once singled out this Web site for generally favorable attention, so there's no accounting for taste.