First they came for the French fries. Then they came for the French toast. But when they came for French's Mustard, it was time for Right-Thinking Americans everywhere to stand their ground. Or at least for a PR agency to earn its hefty retainer fee:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Recently there has been some confusion as to the origin of French's mustard. For the record, French's would like to say, there is nothing more American than French's mustard.
Born in New York by the R. T. French company, French's Cream Salad Mustard made it's [sic] debut in 1904 at the St. Louis World's Fair along with it's [sic] side kick, the hot dog. Both were an instant success! By 1915 the French's pennant became the brand's official logo, symbolizing French's affiliation with baseball and American celebration.
Throughout the years consumers have professed their lifelong love of America's number one mustard. "For many Americans, French's mustard IS Americana. It's all about baseball, hot dogs, family and fun," says Elliot Penner, president of French's mustard.
The silliness goes on from there, including a mention that last year the company introduced a "new dispensing technology" (take that, Saddam!)
So it's time to rummage through your trash cans and pull out all those perfectly good bottles of mustard you threw away after watching Fox News for three days straight. But don't thank me. Thank Ellyn Small of the Bender Hammerling Group: Patriot. PR Pro. Defender of the Mustard. Mangler of the Possessive Pronoun.