NOT A GOOD WAY TO START A MONDAY MORNING

Now I'm nominally a Democrat, which is why I feel well within my rights to point out how creeped out I was when I flipped through the paper this morning.




Yes, that's John Kerry peering into a house while campaigning in New Hampshire. Which, by the way, is a Class 2 misdemeanor in many states. Of course, it could be worse -- if he was on the other side of the door, the caption would have simply read "You raaaaanng?"

That was on page A1. Flip to the jump, and this is what you'd see:



In a lonely one-bedroom apartment somewhere in LA, a joke writer for Jay Leno just smiled.

And this was on the same page:



Now I like Dean, and they're a sweet couple and all, but this picture's just creepy. As Sally said after flipping through the Post this morning, "Every time I pick up the paper, I feel like I need to take a shower." And not in a good way...

THANKS TO THE NOT-SO-INFINITE NUMBER OF MONKEYS...

...the newest installment in a collaborative (read: bizarre) writing project I'm working on with several friends is now online. All credit goes to Tom, whose wife, CeCe, actually knows a thing or two about using monkeys to get a book published by a reputable house. Sock monkeys, anyway.

MAYBE PAUL KRUGMAN CAN HELP EXPLAIN THIS

It's been a long time since I've mentioned my archnemesis here. But looking at the paper this morning, I was rendered dumbfounded (and we all know how painful that can be):



I know Bil's not exactly the master of the inscrutable, but really -- what in the hell are we supposed to make of this? (The radio waves emitting from his chin aside, I mean.) "Improving finances?" What, did Bil split his $300 tax refund among his ill-mannered brood? Or is this a manifestation of his repressed fears of growing old and penniless, and winding up sleeping in a dumpster? (Given this earlier panel, that's not all that far-fetched a theory.) Or, in some twisted fantasy world, has he made his wife's mother (yes, I know how to tell the Keane grandparents apart), a kept woman?

The mind reels.

UPDATE: Oh, I see. A few days ago, he drew a cartoon of the precocious Keane Kidz(tm) plotting in secret to demand a raise in their allowance. That lends creedence to the "kept woman" theory, which just creeps me out to no end.